The Madmen
The Story of Qobad
It was a time of darkness and light; of blindness and sight. There was a man and woman whose minds were clouded. They had two daughters and two sons. They married off their daughters and found a wife for their elder son. Only the younger son remained, whose name was Qobad. He was the wisest in the family.
One day, Qobad’s mother said to him, “My dear child, thank God I have lived long enough to see you all stand on your own feet. I sent your sisters off with dowries to their husbands. For your older brother, I found a good wife and laid them in bed. Now, I have only one wish left: to find a wife for you and give your life stability.”
Qobad replied, “I do not want to marry. I wish to live alone.”
His mother said, “Do not say that, I beg you! The earth curses men who live without a wife. If you want me to forgive you for my milk, you must marry.”
Her words repeated so often that they eventually convinced him, and she found a pretty girl for him. They arranged the marriage, and Qobad married.
Although Qobad’s wife was a bit slow-witted, she was peaceful and lived harmoniously with the rest of the family. One day, while she was cleaning the yard, she suddenly felt a pain in her body. At that moment, a goat in the yard bleated. She thought the goat knew about her pain and, out of desperation, went over to it. She said, “Oh goat, don’t ruin my fate. Promise me you won’t tell anyone about this, and in return, I’ll give you my earrings and bracelets.”
The goat bleated and nodded its head. She said, “Oh, wise goat!” Then she took off her earrings and bracelets and put them on the goat. Just then, her mother-in-law arrived and saw the goat adorned with the jewelry. She asked, “Who put earrings and bracelets on this goat?”
The wife ran over and said, “Oh dear mother-in-law, please keep this between us. While I was cleaning the yard, I suddenly felt a pain, and the goat bleated. I went to it and asked for its discretion, and it agreed. So, I gave it my earrings and bracelets to make sure the matter stays secret.”
The mother-in-law went over to the goat and said, “Oh goat! Promise you won’t tell anyone about my daughter-in-law’s pain. In return, I will give you my floral dress and silk scarf.”
The goat bleated and nodded. The mother-in-law went inside, brought the dress and scarf, and put them on the goat.
At that moment, Qobad’s father-in-law arrived and saw the goat dressed up. He asked, “What kind of nonsense is this? Why have you dressed the goat in these clothes?”
The mother-in-law said, “Oh no, not you too!”
She hurried over to explain, “It’s nothing. My daughter-in-law was cleaning the yard when she suddenly felt a pain. The goat heard her and bleated. She went to it, asking for secrecy, and it agreed. So, I gave it my dress and scarf to keep the secret. Your son and brother also came, and when they saw what was happening, they gave their shoes and hats to the goat.”
The father-in-law went to the goat and said, “Well done, goat! If you keep this secret, I’ll give you my new boots.”
He went inside, brought the boots, and put them on the goat.
Soon, Qobad’s brother-in-law arrived. He looked at the goat and said, “What is going on here?”
They explained the situation to him, and he took off his hat and placed it on the goat’s head.
Now, the goat was fully dressed: earrings in its ears, a floral dress on its body, a silk scarf around its waist, bracelets on its legs, boots on its feet, and a hat on its head. The family gathered around the goat, anxiously begging it to keep the secret from Qobad, for if he found out, he would divorce his wife and kick her out of the house.
As they were still begging the goat, Qobad arrived. When he saw the goat in such an odd outfit, he asked, “Why is the goat dressed like this?”
His mother said, “It’s nothing, just an accident. Your wife was cleaning the yard when she suddenly felt a pain. The goat heard her and bleated. She asked it to keep it a secret, and it agreed. I gave it my dress and scarf to make sure the secret stayed hidden. Your father and brother also came and, seeing the situation, gave their shoes and hats to the goat.”
Qobad, hearing all this, was filled with anger. He shouted, “I cannot live in this madhouse! I am leaving!”
And so, he left the house and went to his in-laws to tell them what had happened. When he arrived, he recounted the madness of his family and said, “Now, what should I do with these crazy people?”
His mother-in-law replied, “We are just as upset as you are with our daughter and your relatives, but why didn’t you kill the goat, which has brought this shame upon us all?”
His father-in-law said, “It seems to me that your mind is as clouded as the rest of your family’s. A goat is ruining your honor, and you’ve left your wife and life behind and come here asking us what to do?”
Qobad replied, “I can’t live with such mad people any longer. I’ll leave and find another city. If the people there are as foolish as you, I’ll come back. Otherwise, I’ll stay there.”
And so, Qobad set off, walking for days until he reached a city on the other side of the mountain. He wandered around the market and the streets until he was tired and hungry. He sat on a doorstep, waiting for some help.
A man came out, saw the stranger sitting there, and felt pity for him. He went inside and brought him a bowl of leftover soup. When Qobad looked at the bowl, it was large from the outside but tiny on the inside. He drank the soup in three gulps, and then started examining the bowl. He realized that since the time the bowl had been used for food, it had been cleaned out and each leftover bit had stuck to the next. Little by little, the bowl had shrunk in size.
Qobad took the bowl to a stream, scrubbed it thoroughly, cleaned it up, and returned it to its owner. The man was astonished and ran inside, shouting, “The bowl expander has come! The house renovator has come!”
People from the neighborhood came rushing out to see the man who had fixed the bowl, and they begged him to expand their bowls too. Soon, Qobad grew tired of this and decided to leave. “These people are even crazier than my own relatives,” he thought. And he set off again.
He reached a city in the middle of winter, where the people were shivering from the cold, and each person had devised a strange method to keep warm. Some had cut holes in their quilts and tied them around their waists with ropes. Others had placed pots of water over fires to make steam for warmth. Still, others were rubbing hot clay on their bodies.
Qobad went into a house, built a small stove, and sewed a large quilt made of cotton and cloth. He made a comfortable, warm place for the family to gather. Soon, news spread, and people came from all over the city, offering him money to make them stoves and warm quilts. Qobad took the money, but he was still not impressed. He thought, “These people are even crazier than my own town.”
So, he set off again to find a new city.
In the next city he reached, he found a commotion. The people were arguing over a bride who was too tall to fit through the entrance to the groom’s house. Some wanted to break the doorframe, while others wanted to shorten the bride’s neck. Qobad stepped in and said, “Pay me one hundred gold coins, and I will get the bride inside without breaking the door or harming her.”
They were skeptical but agreed. Qobad went up behind the bride, gave her a quick smack on the back of the neck, and she bent over, slipping easily through the door.
The people cheered and gave him his hundred gold coins. But Qobad thought, “These people are still crazier than my family.”
And so, he continued his journey, eventually reaching a city where a girl had gotten her hand stuck in a jar. The people were about to cut her hand off to free it. Qobad offered to solve the problem for a fee, and he simply pinched her from behind, causing her to drop the cheese and pull her hand out safely. The people celebrated and offered him the position of the town’s wise man, but Qobad refused. “I am not staying in a city of fools,” he thought.
He set off again, and soon came to a place where the people were worried about a large mound of earth that had formed a boil. They feared it would burst and cause them harm. Qobad offered to treat it for a price, and he took a shovel, spread the earth out, and solved the problem. The people were grateful, but Qobad still wasn’t impressed. “Every city I go to, the people are crazier than the last.”
Finally, Qobad reached a city where the city wall had cracked, and the leaders were worried that the wall might collapse. They begged Qobad to fix it, offering him whatever he wanted. He quickly patched the wall, and the people offered him a fine horse as a reward. But Qobad still wasn’t happy. “All these cities are filled with fools. My home city is the best,” he said, and rode back to his own town.
