the inferiority and shame schema

What is the inferiority and shame schema?

Defect and Shame Schema: Symptoms, Causes, and Treatment

Are you worried that you have a problem or defect, or that you are not as good as others? Or that you have a major flaw that will leave you if others find out? If so, you may have a defect and shame schema.

In this article, we will examine a complex and interesting concept called the defect and shame schema. This concept, which is studied in psychology and social sciences, refers to the effects that a person has on their feelings of imperfection and incompleteness, and can have a wide-ranging impact on their behavior and social relationships. Stay with us until the end of the article to learn about its definition, causes, and consequences, and finally, to examine the best ways to manage it.

What is the Defect and Shame Schema?

The Defect and Shame Schema is one of the 18 primary maladaptive schemas (EMS). Having a Defect and Shame Schema means that you feel that there is something wrong with you. The perceived defect could be anything, appearance, personality, intelligence, morality, etc. Therefore, you believe that if others got to know you, they would notice your flaws and reject you.

This schema is one of the most pervasive. It can affect all aspects of life and prevent many emotional needs from being met.

Some common behaviors of this schema include:

Being overly sensitive to criticism and rejection;

Being worthless and allowing others to mistreat them;

Accepting problems that are not our fault;

Choosing partners with critical and rejecting moral traits;

Staying in dysfunctional relationships because we are “lucky” to have someone put up with us;

What causes the inferiority and shame schema?

This schema is formed in childhood when you were abused, neglected, or rejected by your parents or caregivers. That is, in every interaction, directly or indirectly, you were given the message that you were to blame or had a bad problem and were a source of shame and embarrassment.

As a child, the individual does not have the capacity to understand that the parents or those responsible for their care are to blame. Rather, they see their abusive or neglectful behavior as solely their own. For example, they may think that if I had been a better child, if I had been lovable, they would have loved me.

This is truly tragic, because the shame that is felt does not belong to the individual. This shame is a poison that adults who were abused as children develop.

It is not even necessary for the child to be abused to develop the schema of inferiority and shame. He may have all his physical and material needs met, have a good education, have good holidays, etc., but he may not have anyone who really pays attention to his thoughts and feelings. In that case, he may fall into this schema.

In childhood, the most important emotional need is to feel that we are truly seen; to feel that we are accepted, heard, and important. We may know intellectually that we are loved, but we need to feel it. We need to feel that someone holds us in their heart.

In today’s society, with phones, iPads, video games, and a general lack of real connection, a child is more likely to fall into this pattern. Perhaps one reason depression is rapidly increasing in young people is this lack of real connection.