Developmental Roots of the Sacrifice Schema

Developmental Roots of the Sacrifice Schema

1- Parents' high expectations of the child

2- When the person was only considered by meeting the needs of others

3- Parents' indifference to the child's needs

4- Encouraging adults to ignore their own needs

5- Finding a parent-like role for the child or adolescent

Self-sacrifice schema in emotional relationships

Those who are trapped in the self-sacrifice trap or schema also experience harm in their emotional relationships. If you have this schema, you do all or some of the following:

You are excessively eager to please the other person

You constantly feel guilty that the other person will have a problem or be unwell

You are worried about expressing your needs and usually postpone your needs

You are unable to say no and your rights may be violated in many places

You consider yourself responsible for everything that happens in the relationship and usually blame yourself

The other person becomes accustomed to not supporting you and always asking you for help

Treatment of the Sacrifice Schema

One of the most important goals of treatment of the sacrificial trap is to help people realize that all humans have an equal right to have their needs met. Even if experience shows that these people are stronger than others, the reality is that most of them have been emotionally deprived in childhood. They have sacrificed themselves and have not paid attention to their own needs at all.

An important goal of treatment is to help people realize that they themselves have needs that are not being met, even if they are not aware of such needs, and that they have the right to have their needs met more than anyone else.

Despite any secondary benefits that the sacrificial schema brings, such people still pay a high price for their selflessness.

They avoid fully meeting their own needs because of their excessive care and compassion for others. Another goal of treatment is to reduce the person's excessive responsibility.

Accordingly, the treatment of the self-sacrifice trap is based on three aspects:

A- Cognitive

The person must learn that he or she also has needs that must be prioritized. The person must change his or her mindset and not think that he or she is responsible for others, because paying too much attention to the needs of others both makes them more demanding and makes the person feel at a disadvantage.

So remind yourself that by helping others excessively, I am only hurting myself and I must increase my independence so that I do not go towards meeting the needs of others for the sake of attracting attention or feeling guilty or any other reason.

B- Experiential

In many cases, a person who suffers from the self-sacrifice schema was neglected as a child and also suffers from the emotional deprivation schema. Accordingly, this person needs to become a kind parent to himself or herself and caress the child within him or her.

C- Behavioral

A person who has this schema needs to slowly change his or her behavioral patterns.  Encourage others to do their own work and avoid excessive help to others.