Exercises to get rid of the abandonment schema

Exercises to get rid of the abandonment schema

1 - Conduct a positive self-evaluation in three aspects of appearance, personality traits, and expertise and work ability.

Since such people do not accept themselves from the inside, they need to respect their abilities and expertise more.

2 - Conduct a positive other evaluation in three aspects of appearance, personality traits, expertise, and work ability

We need to praise the abilities and positive points of others, but this praise should not be at the cost of devaluing ourselves

3 - Focus on creating internal security instead of external security

People who have an abandonment schema mentality are constantly afraid of losing others or being alone. For this reason, they try to control others or cling to them. In this case, it is better to know that these behaviors make the matter worse. Work on yourself. Know that others are not your property and ending a relationship is not a loss. It is a change and transformation of life. Life is always changing.

 4-Avoid selective perception

In the mindset of abandonment, we take what others say for granted and quickly misinterpret it. 

5 -Using the word skill instead of luck

People who are luckier than you in a certain area have more skill than you.

Example: How lucky is my cousin that her husband cares about her a lot, maybe this person has stronger feminine wisdom and politics than you. Or how lucky is my colleague that he has been at the company for a year and has become close to our vice president. Maybe this person has stronger social intelligence than you.

6 -Avoid judging based on emotion.

Judge based on time frame and external evidence. A judgment based solely on emotion is likely to be incorrect and stem from our schema.

7 -When comparing yourself to others, pay attention to your heart and inner needs. In many cases, you miss something that is not your heart's need. You compare yourself to others for something that is not your basic need.

 8 - Don't label yourself negatively to praise others. Your handwriting is so good, I'm terrible. Your math is so good, I'm confused. You also have skills and abilities that you may be underestimating.

9 - Write the names of three people who have been admirable to you

This exercise helps increase your self-confidence; either those qualities are present in you, or you have the potential to achieve those qualities, or those qualities are a need of your heart and you should strive to obtain them. When you admire someone and are delighted by their existence, they may have an ability that you would like to have too. So focus on that ability. Getting rid of the abandonment schema takes practice.

11 - If you feel too dependent on the other person in a relationship and their opinion is more important to you, distance yourself a little. Remember that others are not responsible for your life.

12- If the other person in the emotional relationship is unavailable or does not pay much attention to you, back off.

 13- Don't seek out cold, unapproachable, and arrogant people. They will reinforce your abandonment schema.

14- Recognize the following beliefs and be aware that they lead you to abandonment or rejection:

I am alone

There must be someone to help me

Others will soon abandon me

If the other person is not there, I can't do anything.

15- Be sure to use mindfulness exercises to treat and get rid of the abandonment schema