Treating the trap of imperfection and shame
Treating the trap of imperfection and shame
The schema of inferiority and shame is one of the most difficult schemas to treat. It can affect every aspect of your life. In addition, it can make it difficult for people to seek help because it makes them feel ashamed of the perceived shortcomings they have. All of these factors make the need for therapy even more intense.
Schema therapy focuses on early childhood experiences and the therapeutic relationship itself in order to challenge this maladaptiveness. While it is difficult to change maladaptive schemas, with commitment, consistency, and appropriate therapy, it is entirely possible to achieve positive change.
Coping Strategies
Pay attention to when and where the schema manifests itself
The schema of inferiority and shame does not necessarily affect every aspect of your life. You may only feel inadequate at work or only in your personal relationships. So you need to examine how much your schema is affecting your life and in which areas it needs to be addressed.
Stop comparing yourself to others
It’s rare for anyone to talk about their flaws, especially with the rise of social media, and you only see the good in others. People on social media portray themselves as they want others to see them, rather than as they really are. If you find yourself comparing yourself to others more after using social media, try limiting your access to a certain amount of time each day and unfollowing accounts that make you feel bad about yourself. Instead, try listing all the positive things in your life and be grateful for them every day. Don’t look for specific things. Just taking a walk in the rain on your way home from work today or eating a delicious cookie can be enough to be grateful for. Start by making small acts of gratitude and you’ll start to realize that there are good aspects of your life that you hadn’t noticed before.
Practice Kindness to Yourself
Recognize that you have a shame and imperfection schema, something that was ingrained in you as a child. But you are no longer a child and should no longer feel these flaws. When your shame and imperfection schema is activated, try talking to yourself as you would a dear friend. When we talk about a problem with others, we are often more generous with our love and compassion. Give yourself the same love and compassion. Accept that you are more capable and more than the failures you have noticed, and write down a list of your positive qualities. Don’t leave anything out, even the smallest ones. Anything is worth writing down. Refer to this list when you feel your shame and imperfection schema activated. That’s when you will realize that it is time to celebrate your achievements and victories in life.
Seek Treatment
If you have a shame and inferiority schema, you may have a lot of unresolved anger, frustration, and sadness from past relationships. You may also have a lot of anxiety about your current relationships, called relationship anxiety. In addition, you may need to establish healthy expectations and boundaries in your relationships.
